Anyway, day 2 was the worst I've experienced so far. I don't know how I managed to work with a raging headache, but after work, I pretty much went to bed and tried to sleep it off. I was very tempted to go back up to my previous dose because it was so bad. When you can't participate in your own life because the medication messes you up so bad, it can be hard to take. What got me through that night besides a lot of acetaminophen was my husband. He reminded me that tomorrow would be better and I'd be another step closer to getting off of my medication all together. I also though a lot about my girls. I'm looking forward to being able to participate more in their lives. I think I'm going to have a party when I finally detox from this horrible medication. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I've survived and that I'll finally be free of this crap.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely needed to be on antidepressants when I had postpartum depression, but I don't think I've needed to be on them this long. I think that these pharmaceutical companies make it difficult to get off these medications by lying to us and telling us that they are not habit forming and you can't get addicted to them. Bullshit. But that is a story for another day.
My husband commented tonight that I was smiling. You know why? Because smiling is something that I don't do a lot of because of this nasty drug. The drug takes the lows that you feel and flattens them, but it also flattens every other emotion and leaves you feeling basically numb. I'm looking forward to actually feeling things again.
So, I'm up to day four at 1/3 of my original dose. I'm feeling pretty good. A little bit of dizziness today, but no headache and no mood swings. Things are looking up
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