It's been awhile since I've shared with you. Life is starting to settle down a bit. I feel a lot better since I've been off of the anti-depressants. I was talking with my daughter about it today and told her that I'm still working hard to be better. She asked me if I had any brain zaps lately, and I was able to assure her that I hadn't. Since she's 10, she understands more of what is going on than my 6 year old does. It's not easy when you have to tell your child that you have depression and you don't mean to be snarky and feel lousy all the time. She told me that I yell a lot less than I used to. I think that is a good thing, right?
I have to say that most days, I don't feel depressed. I have my moments, of course, and I probably always will, but I don't feel miserable. I still get surprised by moments of happiness when I truly feel happy. They are becoming more frequent and less of a surprise than they were at first. Now that the depression seems better, I notice that my anxiety creeps up a little faster than it did when I was medicated. Sometimes I wake up with a feeling of dread about the day and when I'm able to realize that it is anxiety, I'm able to distance myself from it a bit and I've started to pray about it. That was something I had trouble doing when I was on the medication.
Something that has helped me recently is the Upwords Campaign from Thomas Nelson. They have been sharing inspirational scripture every day during the US election campaign and it's been a great blessing to me. I am not American, but I found all the election talk was stressful to me and I eventually tuned it out. This video shows some of the uplifting photos and scriptures that were sent out through this campaign. The one that really made an impression on me was on October 29. You can see it below.
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I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I won't give up and I'm not going back.
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