Weight Watchers or Bust!

I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again.  Depression Sucks!  I keep getting caught in this cycle of wanting and trying to make changes in my life and then the depression pops in and I go back to being apathetic, positive that no change is going to make any difference in my life-ever.  And then there are the times when I try to make positive changes and the entire world conspires against me.

My latest foray into getting healthy is to re-join Weight Watchers.  I used the online program two years ago.  It was a birthday present I gave myself that year and I lost 14 pounds just tracking my food and points.  Then my job changed for a couple months and my schedule changed and that was it.  I lost all the ground I had gained and then I felt demoralized and ultimately gave up.

Recently, my mother was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  That means in my immediate family, I am the only one without diabetes.  My mom and dad are Type II and my brother is Type I.  I am a ticking time bomb.  I get my blood sugars tested regularly, but given my family history and the fact that I carry all my weight around my belly, I need to make some changes to keep myself healthy.

Mom joined Weight Watchers after her diagnosis.  She started going to meetings and found it really helpful.  The group she was going to was on Thursday nights (my day off), so I was going to join up.  I talked to hubby and he agreed that it would be a great opportunity for me, especially since some of the fees could be claimed back from my work's wellness benefit.  I was going to join up the next Thursday.  On Monday, we went to talk to a tutoring center for some French lessons for our oldest daughter.  Know when her classes are?  That's right, Thursdays.  Hubby signed her up without blinking, so I sighed quietly and decided I'd go to a different class that was on Saturday mornings.

Mom came back from her class on Thursday and told me the pricing options were changing and were going to be much better.  I was even more ready for Saturday, and then hubby told me he was working Saturday morning.  Not only would I have to drive him to his client, I was going to have the two girls with me.  I reminded him that I was going to WW and he was sweet enough to arrange for Grandma to watch the girls so we could both do what we needed to do.  I found the location, waited in the car until it was time to start, then headed in to the clinic.

As a first timer, I had no idea where to go or what to do.  I found the table that was for newcomers, filled out the form and waited in line for my turn at the desk.  Only to be told that I was going to have to pay a start up fee plus a meeting fee.  When I mentioned that I had seen the new pricing, (no start up fee and monthly rates) I was informed that it started on Monday, and did I want to come back then?  Seriously?  Why not.  I wasn't going to pay $47 that was going to be useless two days from now.  I left and did grocery shopping alone instead (a rare treat for me!).

Now should be the part where I say that I did go back and signed up that I've been going for a few weeks now.  But that wouldn't be my life, would it?  Nope, I've got the form in my car, but I haven't gone back.  What's stopping me?  Mostly just my life.  I know, I should make my health a priority, but since I'm the only insured driver in the house, everyone else's life is coming before mine right now.  Between speech therapy, French tutoring, doctors appointments, hubby's work and just trying to keep the kids busy this summer, I've used up pretty much all of my energy (and that's before I go to work in the evenings).  I've got my work/life balance pretty set, it's my life/life balance I can't seem to figure out.  I haven't even been out walking with the gals because my Wednesdays are usually shot.  I know that I've been self-defeating and just given up.  I've let the weight creep up on me to the extent that my "fat" clothes are now getting too tight. 

I'm not giving up on joining Weight Watchers, but I'm starting to realize that this might not happen until the kids go back to school in September. In the meantime, I'm choosing healthier options for eating. I'm incorporating more vegetables and salads into my diet and I'm increasing my water intake. I'm also trying to get more sleep and to be more active in the day. I know that depression is trying to keep me stagnant, so I really have to make a conscious effort to get beyond that and try to fight it. It may also be time to chat with my doctor about my treatments and see if there is anything else I can do to minimize the impact that depression has on my life.