My Village

Little things have been happening that have shown me that I am not alone in my daily battle with depression. The phrase "It takes a village to raise a child" has been going through my head. It seems it also takes a village to beat depression. The picture is of the village my father grew up in, Matera, Italy. It is known for the "sassi" or caves. The houses were built right into the caves. I thought it gave a good picture of a village where everyone is interconnected and kind of on top of each other. These are a few of the people in my village. They are people who are going to be there on my road to recovery as well. Names will not be mentioned. If they read this, my villagers will know who they are, but I don't think it's fair to share every detail of their connection with me.


Someone Who's Been There:

 When you're battling depression, it helps to know someone who has been there. Someone who has struggled with the beast known as depression. It gives you a common enemy and it lets you know that you are not alone. I have a couple people in my life who've been there and are still there with me. It gives you a real feeling of connection when you can describe exactly how you're feeling and they just get it.

They're usually the same people who will check-in to see how I'm really doing. They won't put up with a bullshit answer of "I'm fine". They want the truth. They don't run away when you tell them the truth either, because it doesn't freak them out. They understand the truth because it is something they've experienced too. They are the ones who want to keep in touch so that we can help each other. They listen and know that you can be counted on to listen to them too. It can be freeing to know that you can be real with someone and not have to put forth the exhausting fakeness that you have to put on in public sometimes.

My Husband

So much for not naming names! My husband is my biggest supporter. He put up with me before I was medicated which says a lot about him. He's been with me through two pregnancies when my hormones wreaked havoc on the depression and the postpartum aftermath that ensued. He understands when it's me talking and when it's the depression. He lets me have my space and also knows when to give me a gentle kick to get me back to living. I call him my cheerleader because he really encourages me to go out there and do it. He barely batted an eye when I told him I was changing to a plant based diet. He just accepted it. Just like he accepts me. He's been encouraging me to look for answers about the medication I take and how to stop taking it. He's going to be with me through getting off this medication and I'm going to need him for sure.

Someone Who is Praying

One thing I found when I started taking the antidepressants is that I felt like I had no spiritual connections any more. I don't know exactly why that is, but I have been doing some reading and it seems that this is not uncommon. Through it all, I know that I am being prayed for and that encourages me.

The Professionals

My family doctor and my chiropractor are also part of my village whether they know it or not. My chiropractor is big on getting people healthy and off of medications, so I'm sure that he will encourage me in my quest to discontinue antidepressant use. My family doctor will be a harder sell, but I'm going to need his help to taper this medication. I'm doing research now and hope to have something to present to my family doctor in the next few weeks, so that he can help me to come up with a plan.  I know that the medication I take has a high incidence of withdrawal symptoms, so I want to do what I can before starting to taper the medication to prepare my body for this.  It looks like I'll be looking at supplements first.

Friends

It's hard to be friends with someone who is depressed. We're not likely to put an equivalent amount of effort into maintaining the friendship. It takes a lot of effort to do anything, so we tend to focus on doing what needs to get done to get through the day and let other things drop. That doesn't mean we don't care. It just means we're doing all that we can. I have a couple of people I can drop an e-mail or text message to from time to time.  They seem to know when I could use a joke or just a reminder that they're still around.

My village mostly consists of family and friends and I'm thankful to have them.

The Joys of Being the Only Vegan at a Family Dinner

I've been vegan for a little over four months now. It is still something I'm adjusting to, and I guess I've brought my family along for the ride.

My husband has been surprisingly supportive. I think that he sees the positive effect this new way of eating has had on me. My oldest daughter doesn't completely understand, but she knows that I don't eat anything with any animal product in it. My youngest could care less, and that is fine with me.

I haven't made a big deal about it with my extended family. I told my mom first, and she was pretty great. I was surprised she didn't freak out too much. Mom even sent me an article she read about dairy products being a possible cause to cancer. Wow. Mom made me a special dish for dinner on Christmas. When I go over there for dinner, Mom will try to have something for me to eat, and if she doesn't, she's totally cool if I go down the street to hit up the salad bar at the grocery store.

It gets a little more difficult at my husband's family. They don't get it, and I can deal with that. I just hate feeling like I'm the family freak now. My husband picked me up from work this afternoon and we went straight to his parents. Everyone decided to order in Chinese food. When they were counting how many people to feed, I mentioned I wouldn't be eating the combo meal. My husband was actually great. He went through the menu and found a vegetable lo mein with rice noodles. His sister asked me if I couldn't just take the meat out of a dish and that's when I felt like I was being a pain to everyone. I don't want to be difficult. If I had known we were going to have dinner there, I would have been more prepared. I don't want everyone else to feel put out because I choose to eat differently. It's my choice. I'm choosing to be healthy. I'm choosing to make less of an impact on the earth. I'm choosing to be kind to animals.

I wonder what it seems like to everyone else. Am I a pain? Do I sound like the kid who is a picky eater? I guess I have become a picky eater in a way--although I prefer to think of it as being a conscious eater. I am more aware of what I am eating and where it comes from. Does that make me the annoying freak? I hope not, especially since I did share my lo mein! And my sister-in-law let me know where I could find some good soy ice "cream" too.

How to Freak Out Your Mother-In-Law at Thanksgiving

Yes, I did it. I totally freaked out my mother-in-law and I feel bad about it. See, we were trying to decide if we needed to make the ham as well as the turkey. Mum was counting how many wouldn't eat one or the other and I said, "Don't worry, I won't be eating either." Mum was digesting that when my husband and daughter both told her that I was "eating vegan" now. Oh yeah, thanks guys. Let's not ease her into it or anything.

Mum started to question me and my sister (in-law, but we call each other sisters) told her not to worry about me because I was not doing this without having researched it and following a program (kickstart). Mum dropped it then, but I saw her a few days later, and that's when the questions started.

I know Mum is just worried about me, but its hard to describe why I want to be vegan to her because she's an English baby-boomer. She's used to meat being something that you didn't get very often, so it was special and yes, an important part of a healthy diet. And to be honest, it's hard to explain it anyway. I want to be vegan because I feel it's healthier and it's better for the environment and animals. I feel healthier not eating animal products. I'm losing fat. My weight hasn't decreased a whole lot, but I am wearing pants that I couldn't even do up before I started eating vegan (and they are comfortable!).

My plan right now is to stick with what I am doing and not worry about what other people think. I'll give Mum more info in small pieces and see how it goes.

By the way, there is a new vegan social network I found out about this week. If you are interested in vegan or vegetarian eating or animal rights, you should check it out! This Dish is Veg Social. If you sign up, add me. My user name there is Jess. (and I just joined a group there called "Living with Omnivores"--might help me out!)

Coffee and Catch Up, And Grumbling About Shopping for Clothes

Reflections in a coffee cup
Originally uploaded by Gunjan Karun

You may be wondering about the picture of a coffee cup here on my blog. After all, I've probably mentioned before that I hate coffee, and I do. That being said, with my shift at work changing up some, I have found the need to drink coffee to make it through the night a couple of times.

I probably shouldn't really call it coffee. We have a flavia machine at work. It makes excellent mochacchinos--with Mars Bar foam and French vanilla coffee. Lots of cream (half and half) and three sugars. I know, people who really enjoy coffee can't believe how much stuff I put in my drink. My husband shivers with disgust when he hears what I put in it. What can I say, I'm weird.

So, after exercising yesterday morning, I'm proud to say that I wasn't in too much pain today. The worst was in my abs because I only felt it when I coughed, and I did that a lot at work tonight (because I talk on the phone all night and it gets dry). Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to try to do a little more of the routine and see how I do.

I'm also going clothes shopping tomorrow. One of my least favourite things to do, but I'm going to a shower for my cousin's little one this weekend and I have nothing appropriate to wear. The only pants that fit right now are my jeans and that would not go over well with my family. I hate trying on clothes because the sizes are always screwy and you have to look in one of those fun house mirrors and see all your imperfections right out there in the open. I get so frustrated and depressed. The only ray of light is that I'm going with my Mom and she's so much fun. The kids are staying home with hubby and Mom and I will have a chance to do some bonding of our own.

I'm looking forward to having the next couple of days off. Lots to get done here at home. I have big decluttering projects in mind. I'll let you know how it goes!

Ten Things I Like About My Wii Fit

Just for fun, I thought I'd make a list of ten things I like about my Wii Fit. Feel free to add to it, I don't mind.

1. Everyone in the family can use it (OK, with the exception of my 2 year old, but she still likes to watch us use it). My 6 year old loves the hula hooping and ski jumping, even if she can't get it quite right. Hubs can use it to do strength training and I use it right now mostly for aerobic activity. We took it to my parents' house this weekend because they were interested in it and my mom absolutely loved it!

2. It's fun. It doesn't feel like exercise.

3. It's my "me time" where I get to focus on me for a few minutes everyday.

4. There's always something new. Even though I've unlocked most of the activities and exercises, there are always different levels within the exercises, so I can keep interested.

5. It costs way less than a gym membership and I'm more likely to use it every day.

6. I feel motivated to do activities--whether to beat my score, complete an activity or just have fun.

7. I can montior my weight/BMI easily over time and it keeps me focussed on reaching my goals.

8. The Wii Fit has a sense of humour. No really, it does! On April Fool's Day, the balance board was wearing a hat and threw confetti and stuff and promised it wouldn't try to fool me. Guess what? It posted my Wii Fit Age and then dropped a higher number on it. Got me all excited for nothing.

9. I found out that I actually kind of like yoga after all. I'm not very good at it yet, but it's not as boring or hard as I had previously thought it to be.

10. Did I mention it's fun??

Why do you love your Wii Fit??