Second Antidepressant Taper Days 5-7

So, almost done my first full week at the second adjustment to my medications.  It's been funny how different this taper is.  First taper, symptoms came, got worse, then lessened and disappeared over 14 days.  This time, they've been coming and going and they range in intensity.

I experienced my first "brain zap" on day 5 along with a lot of dizziness.  Day 6 was a lot better with just a little dizziness.  I even felt well enough to visit with some family.  Day 7 not so great.  Headache for most of the day and just generally feeling run down.  Now that I think of it, I skipped my vitamin B and C supplements today.  I did take the vitamin D.  It's much easier to take D because it's just a few drops rather than taking a huge pill for the other two.  Why do vitamins have to be so big and so stinky?

So, I guess I'll take my vitamins now and see if it helps how I feel in the morning.  I wish I could rush this and get off the medication quicker, but I know that I would feel a lot worse.  Perhaps I rushed the second taper, but I was following my doctor's intstructions.  I think I'll go in and see him before the next taper.  He left it pretty much as "come in if you want to".  Funny, to put me on the meds in the first place, I had to go in after the first week, then every 2 weeks after that to make sure everything was going well.  To taper the medication, they don't seem as concerned.

Tomorrow is my day at the chiropractor.  I'm looking forward to having my adjustment to see if it helps me with the symptoms a bit.  I usally feel much better afterwards.

They say that to make a change in your life, you need to have a big "Why".  It's taken some time to figure out what my why is.  My why is that I want to live my life and be involved in my life and stop watching from the sidelines.  I want to feel again and be a part of something.  I want to be more involved with my family and not go through the motions.  I want to be healthy.

My Village

Little things have been happening that have shown me that I am not alone in my daily battle with depression. The phrase "It takes a village to raise a child" has been going through my head. It seems it also takes a village to beat depression. The picture is of the village my father grew up in, Matera, Italy. It is known for the "sassi" or caves. The houses were built right into the caves. I thought it gave a good picture of a village where everyone is interconnected and kind of on top of each other. These are a few of the people in my village. They are people who are going to be there on my road to recovery as well. Names will not be mentioned. If they read this, my villagers will know who they are, but I don't think it's fair to share every detail of their connection with me.


Someone Who's Been There:

 When you're battling depression, it helps to know someone who has been there. Someone who has struggled with the beast known as depression. It gives you a common enemy and it lets you know that you are not alone. I have a couple people in my life who've been there and are still there with me. It gives you a real feeling of connection when you can describe exactly how you're feeling and they just get it.

They're usually the same people who will check-in to see how I'm really doing. They won't put up with a bullshit answer of "I'm fine". They want the truth. They don't run away when you tell them the truth either, because it doesn't freak them out. They understand the truth because it is something they've experienced too. They are the ones who want to keep in touch so that we can help each other. They listen and know that you can be counted on to listen to them too. It can be freeing to know that you can be real with someone and not have to put forth the exhausting fakeness that you have to put on in public sometimes.

My Husband

So much for not naming names! My husband is my biggest supporter. He put up with me before I was medicated which says a lot about him. He's been with me through two pregnancies when my hormones wreaked havoc on the depression and the postpartum aftermath that ensued. He understands when it's me talking and when it's the depression. He lets me have my space and also knows when to give me a gentle kick to get me back to living. I call him my cheerleader because he really encourages me to go out there and do it. He barely batted an eye when I told him I was changing to a plant based diet. He just accepted it. Just like he accepts me. He's been encouraging me to look for answers about the medication I take and how to stop taking it. He's going to be with me through getting off this medication and I'm going to need him for sure.

Someone Who is Praying

One thing I found when I started taking the antidepressants is that I felt like I had no spiritual connections any more. I don't know exactly why that is, but I have been doing some reading and it seems that this is not uncommon. Through it all, I know that I am being prayed for and that encourages me.

The Professionals

My family doctor and my chiropractor are also part of my village whether they know it or not. My chiropractor is big on getting people healthy and off of medications, so I'm sure that he will encourage me in my quest to discontinue antidepressant use. My family doctor will be a harder sell, but I'm going to need his help to taper this medication. I'm doing research now and hope to have something to present to my family doctor in the next few weeks, so that he can help me to come up with a plan.  I know that the medication I take has a high incidence of withdrawal symptoms, so I want to do what I can before starting to taper the medication to prepare my body for this.  It looks like I'll be looking at supplements first.

Friends

It's hard to be friends with someone who is depressed. We're not likely to put an equivalent amount of effort into maintaining the friendship. It takes a lot of effort to do anything, so we tend to focus on doing what needs to get done to get through the day and let other things drop. That doesn't mean we don't care. It just means we're doing all that we can. I have a couple of people I can drop an e-mail or text message to from time to time.  They seem to know when I could use a joke or just a reminder that they're still around.

My village mostly consists of family and friends and I'm thankful to have them.

Slightly More Organized, A Lot Healthier

I can't believe how fast the summer has passed me by. It was pretty good as far as getting more organized and more healthy. Getting fit? Not so much. I was able to declutter a lot this summer. I got pretty ruthless, but I'm hoping to be able to telecommute for my job soon, so I need office space. To get office space, I had to stop procrastinating and start doing. I've said it before, but it feels really good to let things go. Getting things out of the house releases the guilt tied to them and releases the space they were taking up. Still have a little way to go to complete the main area of the basement for my office.

The best part is that I was able to use a desk that my husband had taken apart but never delivered to his sister. When enough room was cleared out, he put it together for me and now it's not cluttering up my basement any more. It would be really nice if my family would stop putting stuff on the desk though!  I don't have my computer yet, but I will need somewhere to put it when they come to install it.

As for healthier, I really attribute the way I've been feeling to visiting our chiropractor. We've gone through the most intensive part of our treatment and we're now down to 1 treatment a week. When we started, I could not look over my shoulder to see in the back seat of the car. The first time I could turn my head that far, I was amazed. I hadn't even realized I was in that bad shape! My headaches have been greatly reduced. I have maybe take acetaminophen two or three times in the last few months. Considering I was taking it daily and sometimes multiple times in a day, this is a huge improvement! I've had a headache for most of the day today and I think it's mostly because I am very tired. It's nice when pain becomes something you're not accustomed to. I had to take my prescription for my headache today and it has been weeks since I've done so. I'd love to be able to say that I have boundless energy, but I suspect that the fact I'm always tired is because I'm working a late shift at work. I work from 5pm to 10pm, and I take awhile to unwind after work. Hopefully I can go back to a day shift next month and this will start to get better again. I do have more energy than I did before, and I can get more done in a day than I could before I started treatment.

The best part is that I am able to spend more time and energy on my kids. When I was feeling yucky, I was no good to anyone and I think my kids suffered for that. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm making it a point to spend more time with them. They are pretty incredible little girls and I would hate to miss out on getting to know more about them.

Getting Healthier: Chiropractor Update

This picture is from my happy place. It's a real place where I love to go and I thought I'd share it today because I'm in a happier place than I was before I started seeing my chiropractor. We're 4 weeks into treatment. The first 6 weeks we were told would be for taking care of the pain we had been in. Then we do a few weeks at spinal correction, then we move to maintenance.

We've been going three times a week. That is a lot of face time with our chiropractor and his staff (who are all wonderful). Three times a week means a lot of mileage on our car, a lot of gas and even a lot of time. But I don't care about all of those things because I am feeling so much better than I was. The investment of time and money is paying off in better health. I am now able to get through my day without having to have a nap (although I still sneak them in from time to time). Prior to treatment, I was coming home from work, having a nap, getting up to eat dinner and going to bed before my kids. I was in that much pain--not all of it was physical either. I was having a lot of trouble with my moods and anxiety too.

Four weeks down and I've noticed a huge difference. It started with one of my daughters asking me a question in the car and I turned to look at her over my shoulder. I was amazed because I couldn't do that before! I have had less headaches in general, but I've still gotten hit with a couple of migraines. One morning last week, I went in with a migraine and I let him know before he started treating me. It's pretty bad when he can touch my shoulder and feel the lump that is essentially pinching the nerve and causing the migraine. The migraine didn't get better right away, but it eased off significantly and I was able to function somewhat normally.

I'm hoping that as I continue to feel better my energy will come back and I will be able to exercise more. I'm pleased with the changes that 4 weeks have already made. :)

Feeling Healthier! First Chiropractor Adjustment!

Wow! I knew that I was feeling crummy, but I had no idea how bad I felt until we went for our assessment last week. I thought I was just tired and run down. It's amazing how a small adjustment can make a big difference.

I really like our chiropractor. The staff at the office have you read literature on why it's important to have your spine aligned and then they ask you questions to make sure you understand it (they will explain further if need be). He really takes the time to talk to us directly and makes sure that we are understanding things.

We're going to a new patients' class on Thursday (yes, a class!) that will help us to understand more about chiropractics and then we'll have a personal session to go over our results. I was afraid that we made the trip in today just to be given another appointment, but he said he knew we were in pain and didn't want us to wait until Thursday, so he gave us both an adjustment tonight.

It was really painless. When I felt the pop in my neck on one side, I just felt relief. Then he popped the other side too. I feel so much lighter now. Before, it was like a depression was settling on me and I had a black cloud hanging over my head. I know I'm not cured, but I feel like becoming healthy is attainable now. I can't quite do that sort of dance move like the picture, but that's how I feel inside :)

I think that feeling that way just crept up on us. It just seemed like that was how things were and as the aches and pains got worse, we just accepted it as normal. Who knows, with treatment, we may actually get to "normal".

Getting Healthy: Seeing a Chiropractor

I haven't been writing much lately. If you had asked me why, I would have told you it was because I just hadn't been feeling well lately. I've been tired and headachy and recently had a bout of strep throat. I didn't have any energy left for writing.

My husband has been in rough shape too, so the two of us finally decided to do something about it. We have started seeing a chiropractor. We've just had an assessment and x-rays done. Tomorrow we go back to talk to him about treatment.

The assessment itself was eye-opening. It's amazing to me that he could touch my spine and know that I have a rib out of alignment (I didn't even know that!). He also confirmed my suspicions that the bones in my neck are out of line and this is a big part of why I've been getting so many headaches. Who knew?

I feel much better knowing that we're going to get treatment and that we can expect to find some relief from the constant pain we've been having. The hard part is waiting to get started and knowing that it's a process and won't get better all at once. I guess it's like house cleaning--my back didn't get this way in a day, and it can't get fixed in a day. Baby steps are the way to go. Gradual improvement is the name of the game as we head toward greater health. I can hardly wait to start.