Getting Healthy & Organized

So, I've been antidepressant free for about 6 weeks now, give or take. Things are going well for the most part. I feel like I'm finally getting my act together. I'm finding that my emotions are still really close to the surface. I used to tear up over things like a sad story on television. Now I'm tearing up over happy stories, sad stories, you name it. Sometimes I can't finish a sentence because what I'm saying chokes me up. But hey, I've got emotions!

PMS drug free is a bit of a roller coaster ride. I guess that my emotions are still leveling out a bit. Still having a few brain zaps, but they are no where near as bad as they were. I'm still working out a more normal sleep schedule. I find that I'll sleep for a couple hours and then wake up. Going back to sleep takes a long time. I just keep trucking along, hoping that things will sort themselves out. I had thought of taking melatonin to help with sleep, but reading up on it, I found that it may exacerbate depression in some people, so I decided not to risk it.

I'm starting to get a little more organized. It's something I really have to work at, it just doesn't come naturally to me. I'm trying to get into more of a routine and it's helping a bit. If I notice something needs to be done, I try to do it quickly rather than let it sit there. Sometimes it takes less time to do the job than it does finding reasons why I can't do it now. I find the biggest thing to deal with is paper. I hate all the paper clutter that is kicking around my house! Between old fliers, bills, junk mail, school notices and the like, I'm drowning. One plus is that one of the kids' schools is now putting the newsletter online--thank you! Now if we can just get them to reduce the call blasts to once a week! Slowly but surely, things are getting better around here. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin and that is helping a lot. So, I'm getting healthier and more organized...still need to work on getting fit. Baby steps!

Getting Healthy: Medication Free

It's been a couple of weeks now since I finally tapered right off of the antidepressant I was taking.  I'm still having some withdrawal symptoms, but they're becoming more infrequent as time goes on.  The "brain zaps" bother me most when I'm tired or trying to go to sleep.

So here's what I've found now that I'm drug free:

1).  I have emotions again.  Before I felt a little bit, but my feelings had no depth.  I've had a couple of moments where I've suddenly realized that I felt happy.  Weird, I know.  It's nice to feel things again.   This can also be a bit of a pain because I find myself tearing up over sappy things like commercials.  I don't outright cry, but my eyes get watery and I feel like I'm going to start weeping.

2).  I have more energy.  Maybe it's all the supplements I've been taking, but I'm feeling more energetic.  Rather than sit there wishing I felt well enough to clean something or get something done, I'm actually getting up and doing it.  I'm trying to be careful and not do too much at once because I don't want to overdo it.  Little by little, my house is getting more organized.   I'm also becoming more physically active and have been enjoying spending time outside with the girls.  I've been picking up some of the winter detritus from our garden.  I've got big plans for the garden this year.

3).  I'm still in recovery mode.  It might take awhile for the side effects of the antidepressants to be totally gone.  I have to remember to cut myself some slack.  I will get there, it will just take some time.

Now that I've gotten off of the antidepressants, I'm going to spend more time and energy on getting healthier by losing weight.  My weight has really gone out of control over the last while and I'm ready for it to come off.  I'm exercising again and trying to pay more attention to what I'm eating.  There is so much information out there on what is healthy and so many different plans around that I feel a little like I'm watching a tennis match.  Eat this, don't eat this, never ever eat that.  I believe that I can do this!  If I can get off of antidepressants after 9 years, losing the weight should be a walk in the park.  OK, so I know it won't be easy, but I know I can do it.  One day at a time, one baby step after another, I will get there.  I have to.

Second Week on Second Taper from Antidepressants

The second taper has definitely been harder than the first was. It seemed like I'd be feeling better for a day or two and then discontinuation symptoms would crop up again. I've had a lot of buzzing in my brain, kind of a zapping, electrical type of feeling. It doesn't hurt so much, but it's annoying and leaves you feeling a little off balance. I did some reading online and this site, The Road Back was very helpful. I added an Omega 3 supplement to what I'm already taking and it seems to help a lot with the zapping. As I'm vegan, I was happy to find that flaxseed oil is high in Omega 3 because everyone tends to think Omegas are fish oils only.

So, for supplements, I'm taking flaxseed, Vitamin D, Vitamin B and Vitamin C. Yes, I'm pretty sure I rattle when I walk by. The flaxseed really helped to get over the brain zaps. I think if I can go a few days with no zaps, I'll be ready for my final taper. It's exciting and a little scary all at once. Overall, I'm feeling pretty good, aside from having trouble sleeping. It is strange to feel things that I haven't felt for awhile, but I'm starting to feel more like me again.

On the days when I feel really good, I'm getting more things done. I'm exercising and I'm doing crazy things like washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Before, after dinner, I didn't do much at all. Now, I'm finding little jobs to do because I don't want to just be sitting around. I look at it and I wonder how I stayed on this medication for so long and I'm really grateful that my husband encouraged me to start looking at getting off of it. I truly didn't realize that the antidepressants were having such an effect on me. I thought that the way I felt was normal. How sad is that? I'm not saying that I don't have depression any more. I am still prone to depression and will probably always have to be aware of it and keep an eye on it. Depression is a mental illness and it needs to be treated, but for me, taking the antidepressants was having too many negative side effects and was seriously impairing my quality of life.

So, this is me getting healthy. I think that as I continue to feel better, I'll get fitter too because I'll actually have the energy to exercise and hopefully I'll get a little more organized because I'll be able to focus on a task and get it done. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there, one baby step at a time.