Getting there...

I was just looking over my posts and I was surprised to see that I've been writing here for almost 3 years.  Where did the time go?  I feel like I'm starting to get my stuff together.  You'd think that 3 years was more than enough time to get fit, organized, and healthy, but it's been a journey for me.  Baby steps here and there, and some steps backwards a few times too.  The important thing is that I am moving forward bit by bit.

I think I've come a long way in 3 years.  I've reclaimed my basement from the stuff that was piled there, gotten rid of a lot of stuff by donating it or just throwing it out (or recycling when appropriate).  I've been following a mostly vegan diet for a little over 2 years and I've been antidepressant free for about 8 months now.  Without the medications, I actually don't feel as depressed as I used to.  Funny how that works, isn't it?

I still have a long way to go, but I'll get there!  Overall, I feel a lot better than I did 3 years ago.  I think I'm more fun to be around too.  People don't tend to enjoy spending a lot of time with people who are negative, and I know I was very negative before.  I'm working on reducing stress and being more positive.  It's a process, but I find that it's helping.

I find this quote to be true:

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.  ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

I would add that the same applies to husbands, especially if they are nerds and tend to accumulate a lot of computer stuff.

So, that's me for now.  Moving forward, step by step.  And now it seems appropriate to add this video:

Time for an Update

It's been awhile since I've shared with you. Life is starting to settle down a bit. I feel a lot better since I've been off of the anti-depressants. I was talking with my daughter about it today and told her that I'm still working hard to be better. She asked me if I had any brain zaps lately, and I was able to assure her that I hadn't. Since she's 10, she understands more of what is going on than my 6 year old does. It's not easy when you have to tell your child that you have depression and you don't mean to be snarky and feel lousy all the time. She told me that I yell a lot less than I used to. I think that is a good thing, right?

I have to say that most days, I don't feel depressed. I have my moments, of course, and I probably always will, but I don't feel miserable. I still get surprised by moments of happiness when I truly feel happy. They are becoming more frequent and less of a surprise than they were at first. Now that the depression seems better, I notice that my anxiety creeps up a little faster than it did when I was medicated. Sometimes I wake up with a feeling of dread about the day and when I'm able to realize that it is anxiety, I'm able to distance myself from it a bit and I've started to pray about it. That was something I had trouble doing when I was on the medication.

Something that has helped me recently is the Upwords Campaign from Thomas Nelson. They have been sharing inspirational scripture every day during the US election campaign and it's been a great blessing to me. I am not American, but I found all the election talk was stressful to me and I eventually tuned it out. This video shows some of the uplifting photos and scriptures that were sent out through this campaign. The one that really made an impression on me was on October 29.  You can see it below.

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 I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I won't give up and I'm not going back.

Side Effects of Getting Healthier

I figured it was time for an update.  I've discovered that there are some side effects to getting healthier.  I've been anti-depressant free for about 4 months now and overall it's been great.  I find that I feel better and now that I feel better, I want to do more.  It took some time, but we got our house mostly organized.  Of course, with 2 kids and a nerd in the house, there is always a sense of chaos, but we're getting there.

I started gardening again.  Before, I didn't have the energy to even think about how to tackle our over-grown garden and allergies kept me from doing much outdoors.  I cleared a big patch out and we planted watermelons, carrots, cucumbers and zucchini  (all seeds we had purchased before with good intentions).   Well, the carrots and the cucumbers decided not to make an appearance, but the watermelons and zucchinis are growing.  Whether we actually get any fruits is another question entirely.

In the garden, I tackled a giant rosebush this week.  This bush was here before we moved in 8 years ago and it has never flowered since we've been here.  There was a lot of dead undergrowth, so I cut it right back and hope that it will spring to life again.  It was a bit of a monster and I have the scratches to prove it.  Next step will be to cut back the lilac bushes that have been growing without being pruned.  Who knew that you needed to prune them?  Did I mention I don't really have much of a green thumb?

One thing that I have been learning is that I tend to forget that I have depression/anxiety.  I went through a really stressful time last month and it made me physically sick.  I was wondering why I couldn't handle the stress and I pretty much had to stop and think about it.  I had been feeling so good that it kind of slipped my mind.  Once I remembered and I cut myself some slack, I started to feel much better.  If it hadn't gotten better at that point, I was just about ready to visit my doctor and have a conversation again.  I'm glad that I didn't need to this time, and I'll be sure to monitor my stress levels a little more going forward.

One day, I want something like this in my garden!

Overall, I'm feeling good and I feel like I'm getting somewhere now.  I'm not sure where exactly I'm going, but that is half the fun!

Getting Healthy & Organized

So, I've been antidepressant free for about 6 weeks now, give or take. Things are going well for the most part. I feel like I'm finally getting my act together. I'm finding that my emotions are still really close to the surface. I used to tear up over things like a sad story on television. Now I'm tearing up over happy stories, sad stories, you name it. Sometimes I can't finish a sentence because what I'm saying chokes me up. But hey, I've got emotions!

PMS drug free is a bit of a roller coaster ride. I guess that my emotions are still leveling out a bit. Still having a few brain zaps, but they are no where near as bad as they were. I'm still working out a more normal sleep schedule. I find that I'll sleep for a couple hours and then wake up. Going back to sleep takes a long time. I just keep trucking along, hoping that things will sort themselves out. I had thought of taking melatonin to help with sleep, but reading up on it, I found that it may exacerbate depression in some people, so I decided not to risk it.

I'm starting to get a little more organized. It's something I really have to work at, it just doesn't come naturally to me. I'm trying to get into more of a routine and it's helping a bit. If I notice something needs to be done, I try to do it quickly rather than let it sit there. Sometimes it takes less time to do the job than it does finding reasons why I can't do it now. I find the biggest thing to deal with is paper. I hate all the paper clutter that is kicking around my house! Between old fliers, bills, junk mail, school notices and the like, I'm drowning. One plus is that one of the kids' schools is now putting the newsletter online--thank you! Now if we can just get them to reduce the call blasts to once a week! Slowly but surely, things are getting better around here. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin and that is helping a lot. So, I'm getting healthier and more organized...still need to work on getting fit. Baby steps!