Depression Sucks

CB037598
Originally uploaded by raymaclean

In the news this week, two high profile suicides were talked about. Actor Andrew Koenig and Marie Osmond's son, Michael Blosil. Both men had suffered from depression for most of their lives. I found the remarks that Koenig's father and mother made really touched me.

"If you’re one of those people and you feel you can’t handle it anymore, you know, if you can learn anything from this, it’s that there’s people out there who really care,” Walter Koenig said, “Before you make that final, final decision, check it out again. Talk to somebody. And for families who have somebody who they fear are susceptible to this kind of behaviour, don’t ignore it, don’t rationalize it. Extend a hand."

Judy Koening also said, "All the people up here, from the police to his friends, have shown love which he didn’t realize was available to him."

I can't imagine how it feels as a parent to lose a child to suicide. It must be so painful, knowing that they are in so much pain, but not being able to help them. Suffering from depression myself, I can know how you can lose your sense of perspective and feel like their is no other option. Thankfully, my husband recognizes when I'm getting too deep into the depressive end. It's amazing how sometimes one good conversation can make a huge difference. I'm not saying that talking cures me, but it makes a difference. Just knowing that someone cares enough to ask me how I am and actually want to know the truth and not just hear "fine" helps.

We all have our good days and our bad days. Sometimes with depression, it's hard to recognize that there are good days. All you can see is the negative and it is like a heavy, dark cloud that presses down on you and keeps holding you down. It is a horrible place to be. It is not a pain that you would wish upon anyone.

If you are in that place, please reach out to someone. There are lots of people who can help. If you know someone who does suffer from depression, take the time to let them know you care. Take the time to familiarize yourself with the signs that the depression is worsening or that they are considering suicide. We know it's not the answer, but sometimes we can't see past our pain. You can find out more about suicide prevention here. In the meantime, my heart goes out to Andrew and Michael's families.

Check out these sites as well: To Write Love on Her Arms
Centre for Suicide Prevention

Little Things Annoy Me or Maybe I Have Road Rage?

You cannot go
Originally uploaded by Logan Antill

I have always thought I was a fairly rational person, but lately I've realized that little things annoy the snot out of me. Little things like "Hidden Entrance" or "Hidden Driveway" signs. The sign says it's hidden, but it's clearly there--or is there another driveway or entrance that I'm not seeing that really is hidden? How do I know which is the hidden entrance and which is not? Does this really have any impact on my life in the grand scheme of things? Probably not, unless someone comes barreling out of the "hidden" driveway and into my path. I don't know why, but it just bugs me!

Other things that bug me? People who pull in front of me without signaling and expect that I will not hit them just because they see me and to top it off, they slow down! My brakes are good honey, but you are putting a lot of faith in the assumption that I've seen you and that I have enough time to slow down before I come in contact with your bumper.

People who go slow on the highway for no reason annoy me. The speed limit is 100k/h, not 85--it's not raining or snowing and the roads are dry. If you're going to get on the highway, be prepared to go at least 100, or don't take the highway. And for heaven's sake, if you're on the highway, and you know you have to get off at the next exit, get over early. Do not cut across four lanes of traffic at top speed just so you don't miss your exit! There's another exit in a couple k--worst case scenario, get off the highway, turn around and come back down.

Don't signal unless you are actually changing lanes or turning. It drives other people nuts trying to figure out if you might actually turn at some point (usually you do when I decide it's safe to pass you).

People who run through a red light when the traffic is starting to move in the other direction and then look at the people honking at them as if they are the crazy ones--Yes, this one actually happened to me today. He came ripping through the red light and if I wasn't a cautious driver, I may have been hit by him.

You know what else bugs me? People who say "fustrated". The word is FRUSTRATED, and those of us who know how to say it are fRustrated by those of you who say it incorrectly. And "supposably"--no, it is SUPPOSEDLY-no B anywhere in sight. Now, don't worry, I'm not so bad that I will correct someone's elocution or grammar, but I cringe inside when I hear it.

So, I want to know...what bugs you? Share your pet peeves!

When Someone Tells Me I Can't....

Ah yes FREEDOM with a few strings attached
Originally uploaded by beforethecoffee

I'm one of those people who likes to prove you wrong. You say I can't do something? I'll do it. Take for example the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. The very first year I did it, in 2005, there were those who said I couldn't or wouldn't be able to finish the walk--but I did. And I did it again in 2007.

Today was a "can't" day, but not the way one would hope. I had to get some fasting blood work done and I've been putting it off because it's hard to find 12 hours I can fast and get in to the doctor's office. Anyway, I've been feeling blah and I know that the doctor probably will want to check my blood first, so I finally got off my ass and went in this morning (OK, I got a little boost from the hubby). Well, because I work late, I eat late at night too, so I fasted from about 10 pm last night. By the time I got to the doctor's I was starving! See, they told me I couldn't eat and that's all I wanted to do!

Then the reverse happened. The nurse handed me a cup and told me that they needed a urine sample. Oh, sure! Now I have to pee and guess what? I can't! To make matters worse, I had my 3 year old with me and she is in the "why?" stage. "What are you doing Mama? Why are you going pee-pee in the cup? Why are you doing that? Why? Why? Why?" So not only am I trying to pee, I've got an inquisitive audience who won't be quiet. Ah yes, great day!

Hopefully the fasting and trying to pee in a cup were worth it and the doctor will find out what is happening with me. There has to be a reason besides depression that I've been so tired lately.

You Have to Take Your Inspiration Where You Find It

As a writer, I often find inspiration in strange places. As a writer with depression, I know that inspiration is fleeting and writers' block is not, so when inspiration does strike, I try to run with it. Such is the case this evening. I was researching for an article on my parenting site and was getting frustrated by the lack of information that I was finding. I took a break, posted on Twitter and saw a post from "Weird Al" Yankovic and followed his link to a video. I laughed through one of his fake "interviews" with Avril Lavigne and then watched quite a few other videos. It was the theme song for Al's movie UHF that threw inspiration my way tonight.

If you have never seen "Weird Al's" UHF, you really should. It is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. My younger brother is the one who first introduced me to the humour that is UHF and to this day, either one of us can quote a random line from the movie, and the other will completely understand the reference and will usually respond with another line. I don't have the movie handy at the moment, so pardon me while I quote at will some of our favourite and most used lines:

"It's your favourite, a Twinkie-weiner sandwich!"

"Look at that face! Would you look at that face?"

"Am I ever red. Just call me Mr. Butterfingers!"

"You so stupid!"

"Wheel of Fish!!!!"

"What is inside the box? Nothing! Absolutely Nothing!"

"Supplies!"

"Badgers? We don't need no stinkin' badgers!"

"Today we're teaching poodles how to fly."

"Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?"

That's not a complete list of the lines we use, but that's what I can come up with at the moment. What can I say, my brother and I have a strange sense of humour, but I believe that humour is one of the things that helps me deal with having depression. I can choose to look at everything negatively, or I can choose to find the funny side of things and have a laugh or two. It's not always easy to choose to laugh, especially when symptoms are aggravated or I'm under a lot of stress, but those are the times when I probably need to laugh the most. I guess having a sense of humour even on the dark days is something I learned from my brother (don't tell him I said that though, it will just give him a big ego--after all, I am the big sister!).

So how was that for taking inspiration where I found it and running with it? I really wasn't sure what direction this was going to go in, but I'm feeling pretty good about it and I've got a smile on my face--all in all, that makes for a pretty darn good day.

Wii Can Golf Too!

Sankaty Head Golf Club Caddies
Originally uploaded by nha.library

OK, well I really can't golf in real life, but I'm not too bad on the Wii Fit Plus. The funny thing is that when I'm supposed to be concentrating on my shot, I'm replaying in my head a scene from "The Italia"n Job where Charlie and Left Ear go to visit Skinny Pete at the driving range and Charlie keeps telling Left Ear to stop staring. LOL. I know, how do I come up with random pop culture references when I'm supposed to be exercising? Maybe it's time for me to watch that movie again :)





I've taken a few days off in the last week or so from exercising mostly because I've been exhausted by the time I get home from work. You'd think that all this exercising would help me to sleep better, but so far it hasn't. So I either stay awake until 6 am or I fall asleep at 11:00 and wake up by 2:00am. Not fun. I'm sure my lack of sleep is affecting my ability to lose weight and my ability to function in general, so that is the next thing I'm going to have to work on. If I got even seven hours of solid sleep a night, I bet I would see a huge difference. Not sure how to start getting more sleep, but I guess I'll figure it out as I go.

Getting Organized, Baby Steps!

timer
Originally uploaded by Aunt Owwee

I've been focusing on the getting fit part of the blog lately, so today I thought we'd take a look at getting organized again. I must admit, I have a reason to get organized right now. I have to find the little one's birth certificate for kindergarten registration. I know it is somewhere in the paper clutter on my table, or around the table or just somewhere! So I have to declutter to find it!

We've been working on potty training our special needs daughter by using a timer. We set it for every half hour, and when it goes off, she knows she has to try to go potty. Well, what I've been trying to do is declutter for half an hour in one place and then take a break. The first day I did this, I had a garbage bag full of trash and another bag full of recycling! Where does this junk come from? Junk mail, newspapers, pieces of the kids' toys that they have left lying around, and just pure junk.

By working for half an hour in one spot, it helped to focus me on the task at hand and I knew it was going to end, so it wasn't too overwhelming. I have a long way to go, but there are some clear spots I can see now. I even cleaned around the hubby's chair, and he thanked me, saying that he had been overwhelmed and just didn't know where to start.

What I've learned is that you just have to dig in and start somewhere. Who knows how far you will go or who you will inspire?