Friday, April 2, 2010

The Ups and Downs of Life with Depression

El Toro Roller Coaster
Originally uploaded by tenioman

The perfect image to describe life with depression as I see it is a roller coaster. You're coasting along, life is great, you know what's coming next and all the sudden, a blind drop comes out of no where and you're screaming you're guts out, waiting to hit rock bottom and do it all over again. The big climb causes anxiety because you know that it's not going to last very long and soon you'll be swooping down the drop into a dark abyss. Then there are little ups and downs, ups and downs, sharp corners, dark tunnels, and then you come screeching into the station.

The thing about roller coasters is that they are exciting, and maybe that's how I should view my life as well. Maybe I need to stop waiting for that second shoe to drop and just accept that the drop is coming and hey, it could be a fun ride. Yeah, maybe.

Yesterday I was all excited about my first workout day on my Jillian Micahels Wii Fit game. Today, the same game just about reduced me to tears. I couldn't even do a simple push up and I felt so demoralised. It wasn't even a scheduled workout day, so I probably should have just stayed away. Instead, I let a video game make me feel like crap. How is that possible? In my head, as I started the circuit and saw how many exercises there were in it, I knew that it was beyond my current abilities, but I thought I'd give it a try anyway. Sometimes being stubborn is a good thing because it motivates you. Sometimes it's not because you can get so frustrated when you can't do something.

I ended up stomping upstairs to hide. I took a piece out of my poor husband first and kicked him out of our room so I could be alone (we have a small house, not many places to be alone). Sure enough, when I checked my email, I had a migraine alert. I've signed up for these emails that monitor the weather in your area and advise you when you may experience migraine symptoms. It's not always accurate, but on days like today, it gives me an "aha" moment. I realized awhile ago that I get panic attacks before a migraine hits. I guess it's my psyche's way of letting me know that things are getting off kilter and I'm going to be in pain soon. Maybe it's my own early warning system so that I know to take medication before it hits. So the "aha" was when I realized that I wasn't totally demoralized by the game, I was having a mini anxiety attack and that is why I felt like crap. There has got to be an easier way to figure out what my body is trying to tell me. I guess this is my body's way of literally hitting me over the head (come on now, that's a migraine joke, you can laugh).

I've just dosed myself up with my pain meds because I can feel the migraine looming over me. I'm going to eat a lovely salad my darling husband made for me and I'm going to enjoy the ride that is my life.

If you have a medical condition like migraine, COPD, diabetes, heart disease, asthma or arthritis, you can sign up for the weather health system with I've found it helpful in managing the treatment of my migraines. This is not a sponsored website, this is something I use and believe in.

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